Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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