i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
