You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
