ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
