Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
He passed out mid-signature
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
