her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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