Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
