No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
