The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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