remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
