I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
