Swine flu. Run for my life!
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
