great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
