thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
