and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
