Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
