Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
