My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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