Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
