when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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