What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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