I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
