remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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