I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
