Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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