Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
