I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
