HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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