My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
tell me about the eggs
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
