Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
is that a dick in a sweater?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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