He uses pillows to masturbate.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
