That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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