He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
