I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
