Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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