I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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