Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
