If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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