I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
