Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
