He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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