Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
