conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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