drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
