I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
