woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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