Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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