I think scott just propositioned me for sex
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
