Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
