that's an acceptable place to lick
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
